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by Chris @ MDR


There are many reasons why you may lose friends after getting a divorce but I am only going to cover four of them. It can be heartbreaking for you and very uncomfortable for the friends who feel they have to make a decision on whether to remain friends or not. After a divorce you count on your friends more than ever for support. Unfortunately for your friends this could mean having to take sides which is something they might not want to do.
More than likely the friends you had before marriage will still stick by you but the mutual friends that you made with your partner will either want to remain neutral or choose which partner they wish to remain friends with.

Whatever the outcome it is a situation that needs to be handled very carefully by all parties concerned.

Friends who were ‘adopted’:

These are friends that you inherit when you marry your spouse. While the two of you are happily married they are probably quite content to stick around. After a divorce their feelings and intentions may change so avoiding you may be their only option. Never try to force the issue as they need to make up their own minds on whether they still want to be a part of your life or not. If the answer is yes they were worth having in the first place but if it is no then you are better off without them. They were probably more loyal to your spouse than to you anyway.

Statistics that cause concern:

Sometimes people can be unduly influenced by statistics. What I mean by that is your married friends will be quite happy with the status quo as it is but if you and your spouse decide to get a divorce they may feel if the stay around then it could happen to them too. They may prefer to be around couples that still have a stable marriage. As silly as it sounds research has shown that it does happen. People that intend not to think very logically liken divorce to a contagious disease that can jump from one couple to another. If their friends are getting a divorce then it could happen to them.

Handling the breakup in a destructive way:

If all the decisions you are making are continually negative that can cause a lot of stress for you and the people around you. Sometimes friends even best friends will say enough is enough and just walk away. Nobody would expect you to be a walking positive advertisement for broken relationships but the way you handle it can have a huge effect on your health and the way other people relate to you. If you feel that the path you are on seems to be spiraling out of control reach out and accept some help, that could be from professionals or just people that you completely trust. No-one is an island. You can’t do it on your own.

Friends that may see you as a threat:

If the breakup of your marriage was due to infidelity on your part. Your friends may perceive this as an ongoing threat. Their reaction to this is not unusual. They may want to distant themselves in case one of their spouses could be your next target.

After all if you can do that your spouse then a friend might not be off limits either.

If you do lose some friends don’t let it worry you too much because it may not even be about you it may be about their own insecurities. True loyal friends will always be there for you no matter what.  Focus your attention on them and to how you are going to move forward in the future.


Chris @ MDR
About Chris @ MDR

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4 Reasons Why You Lose Friends After a Divorce